Ducks - the lack of and a new baby peg....

Yesterday was just another short stay at grandad's and nanna was there too so grandad had to look after both of us. On the way back we went into the shop to get some eggs, bread and a paper.

I waited in the queue like all good Englishmen do then popped the bread on the counter with the paper. For some reason, grandad held the eggs for a while. When we got back, I took control and gave grandad the bread, paper and my bag and I took the eggs.

"No, I'll take the eggs" said grandad.

"No grandad, shhhhhhh. Grandad take the bag, Dogg take the eggs".

Grandad went quite white and a little nervous. He told me to hold the eggs tight and then hold them gently. Talk about confusing! What's it to be? I waddled down the steps at his house holding on to him with one hand and a dozen eggs in the other whilst trying to point with both hands when Millie came out to meet us. There are more than enough cats in grandad's road but he nearly had kittens to increase the population!!!!

Once inside and settled, grandad tried to make different type eggs for breakfast and he cooked them in hot water whilst nanna made some little soldiers. They must think I'm doolally because I knew the soldiers were really bread. Grandad got the eggs out of the pan and put them in some stupid looking cup things. He then carefully, very carefully, sliced the top off the egg and then drowned the soldiers in the chooky-egg. Nanna gave me an egg and said I could take the top off mine. I made it look easy and whacked the spoon smack on top of it and I smashed it to smithereens - simples. There wasn't much egg left in the shell but I got into it a lot easier than grandad's wimpy effort. Nanna gave me another egg and I blitzed that one with equal force to just to prove it wasn't a fluke.

After we'd cleaned up the kitchen, the dining room and wiped down me, Millie and the work tops, we went to the big park to feed the ducks with some manky bread that grandad kept for them. We got to the park but I didn't fancy walking because it was real mucky. Nanna duly obliged with the necessary carry while grandad threw the ball for Millie to play with. Me and nanna went to the pond to see the ducks but alas, there were no ducks to be seen. We walked a bit further around the pond and found a couple of ducks sat on the bank but they didn't want to eat our bread, may be a diet thing going on.

After a small period of hibernation, I woke up a bit cranky until Millie came into the room and then 'just like that' Tommy Cooper style, I was as happy as Larry whoever he is. When grandad looked this up on t'internet it said 'also know as a dog with two tails'. Grandad said that's not what the saying really is but nanna told him to shut up. Grandad took me home to the safety of my mummy and daddy and then after a kiss and a cuddle, he disappeared into the sunset.

Now you all know about my new bruvver. All I hear is "Ahhhhh", "Ohhhhhhh"' "How cute is he?" and ""He's so sweet" but you really don't know what it's like. He doesn't do anything. Just cries, sleeps and bites mummy. I've not even seen him eat off a plate yet, in fact I've never seen him eat at all. How will he be big and strong like me if he doesn't eat. I offer my toys to him but he just screws his face up, goes all red, does a little perp and goes back to sleep. He won't jump on mummies and daddies bed either. At least if I'd had a puppy like Millie, she'd lick my face and bite my toes when I run. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks and how he copes with swings and the slide at The Rec. I don't want to sound lugubrious but when I found out I was getting a bruvver, I thought we'd be able to mess grandad about a bit more. Mummy said we're going to get him registered this week but need to find another name for him in the middle and I think that's in case we forget his first name, which I can't really see happening. Not sure why we have to register him, he's hardly a dangerous dog is he? Not likely to cause lacerations of the larynx in a ferocious un-provoked attack, I'm keen to assure.

He had his first bath yesterday too and judging by the pictures grandad got - he wasn't best pleased AND YET he was born in the water!!!! He swam before he even breathed and he doesn't like the bath. I can see this bruvver business is going to be hard work. I also saw something where his belly button should be. It's like a funny bit with a peg on it. I can only assume it's a new baby device for hanging them on the washing line to dry out after their bath, what a brilliant idea. It can only be a Jappyknees invention and the rest of the world should thank them for freeing mummies and daddies to do other things whilst their babies dry out.

Adios amigos, hasta mañana

Dogg

PS - Who looked up lugubrious? Honestly????