Birthday and bangs!!

WOW!! What a few weeks we’ve just had, it’s been a bit hectic and now it all seems to be getting back to the way it was, although I’m not sure that I like it at the moment. After my new baby bruvver came to stay with us, I then had both mummy and daddy at home for a couple of weeks and that was splendid but now it seems to be getting back towards the olden days. Daddy has to go off to work, mummy is still at home with us which is lovely but then I have to return to the childkeepers

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To top it all off, yesterday was my birthday and I’m now two but not sure of what two I am but we had a brilliant week away, just the four of us and it was great. I thought Peppa Pig was just a telly programme for kids but it’s not, I’ve seen them all in real life I really have. There was Peppa, George, Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Grandpa and Grandma Pig, Mrs Rabbit and the rest of them and all in a place called Peppa Pig World near the seaside. We stayed in a massive house with hundreds of bedrooms and lots of other people there too. There were all sorts of rides on cars, boats and Mrs Rabbit’s helicopter and it was magic.

On Monday I came downstairs to 2500 balloons and just as many presents because it was my special day. Most of the rellies came over to see us at some point and they all brought joy and merriment to the Dogg household.

Last weekend was also grandad’s wicked weekend in the west. This is an annual thing when all the old people he knows goes off for a few days in the sunshine (usually!!) and they ‘play’ golf. Grandad usually ends up playing rubbish but this year he was a lot better and he actually finished third overall after winning the last day. Now then, here’s the main reason for the weekend away: they mess about. They mess about a lot!! Not naughty messing about, well yes actually naughty messing about but not the ‘wrong’ sort.

Previous shenanigan’s include:

• Setting off electric trolleys when the player is taking his shot

• Putting shaving foam ‘golf balls’ on the green so following players wait far too long for players that aren’t there

• Filling the hole up with shaving foam

• Wearing back to front clothes for the evening out

• Dressing up as black men for the posh evening meal

• Locking a worse-for-wear Roly in his bedroom with the heating turned right up and filling his bed with itchy powder

• Putting water under Roly’s car so he thinks it has a leaking radiator and leaving him there to ‘mend’ it

• Putting a banger under Roly’s car, causing the driver to think his exhaust had blown up and thus taking it to an exhaust garage to be told there was nothing wrong with it

The list goes on and on and on. Now you may conclude from the latter part of the above that ther appears to be a common link with the childish antics – Roly. Roly is apparently nearly 65 years old but on looking at him, one would be excused for thinking he’s at least double that. He’s as skinny as a rake, has one tooth (with which he entertains everyone on Saturday evening when he attempts to eat a steak!!!) but general a good egg.

This year the fun started in the car park at the first golf club and once again involved Roly’s car. Somebody with way too much time on their hands (grandad) carefully cut out a triangle from some cardboard then painted it yellow and made it look like a wheel clamp. The clamp was carefully positioned on Roly’s front wheel and left for all to see. The plan was to watch Roly as he came down the last fairway and saw his pride and joy with a clamp on it, He would’ve gone ballistic but the wind played its part on the day and removed the offending artitcle before the damage was done.

Not to be outwitted, the naughty somebody (grandad) then attempted to purchase some confetti so he could put it down the heater blower air vents in the car. When turned on this would have the obvious ‘snow’ effect in the car causing a great deal of cleaning up. With no confetti in sight, the naughty prankster (grandad) decided on a much more jovial way for gaining some light entertainment and he bought something to add to some ketchup at breakfast.

Now all good pranksters need to try out the idea before they release it on their mates so, without trying this at home first, our prankster ‘borrowed’ a three quarter full plastic bottle of ketchup from the hotel breakfast bar and retreated to his room for his experiment. I forgot to mention that our prankster was sharing a room with two other guys, equally as stupid but who were both out at the time. With the added ingredient added to the ketchup (the added ingredient should be two parts but grandad added four!!) and then activated with a gentle shake. With a girlie squeak of surprise and couple of added swear words, the bottle went hard – not just a bit stiffer, oh no, it went solid as the mixture began to do its business.

What can only be described as a Corporal Jones moment from Dads Army, grandad looked for a bin, then went out of the room to look for one there. He then ran up and down the corridor looking for an open window and when he found one, he quickly realised that an open window wasn’t the best option with passers-by outside. Back in the room he noticed the bubbling mixture was starting to seep out of the bottle top and this was not what he read on the instructions!! As he entered the bathroom he opened the toilet lid and BANG!!!!! Off went the bottle at precisely the luckiest time EVER!!

BANG it went, all over the toilet, inside, outside everywhere. A startled look upwards revealed the walls of the bathroom were now a bright speckled red rather than the clinical white colouring that building plans had previously stated. The mirror and the shower also had more than a subtle covering of red too as did a number of articles belonging to his unsuspecting roomies.

After a thorough clean up and an ever increasing grin, grandad went downstairs. Not to apologise for his careless actions, oh no, he went down to obtain another bottle which he would then doctor and replace downstairs in time for his mates breakfast the following morning. This he done with military precision and he then went in to join his mates for breakfast after gently shaking the bottle to start the show with plenty of time for it to work.

“Sauce anyone? Red or Brown?” asked the waiter as he bought in a tray of condiments.

Grandad looked on in horror. Not because of the unexploded bomb but because the waiter had brought in a different tray to the one on which our hapless bomber had placed his device – that tray was taken into the main bar area for the customers of elevenses in an hour or so!!!

Nobody knows if the volatile bottle of harmless looking ketchup wentoff in the kitchen or in the face of some unsuspecting pensioner out for a morning walk along the beach. There have been no reports as yet in the Westen Daily Press but to be honest, grandad isn’t checking anymore.

Thankfully, I won’t be as stupid when I grow up.

Hoping to get back to grandad’s in the next week or so and may even be back at the pool with him on Saturday.

Hasta la vista

Dogg