Maimed, electrics shocks and another early sporting exit.....

Please accept our apologies for the recent absence of our world famous DoggBlog but we've had a few technical issues to deal with (grandad's knackered) and I've only been popping over for bits and bobs (and BBQ's - hmmmmm) due to mummy's long holiday.

There have been a couple of stories that have lightened up my world lately and in doing so, they have reminded me how very similar to the Americans we are becoming (exceptat the World Cup!). Today I read with the utmost joy, a story from the deepest, darkest forests of Kent, about a ferocious man-eating animal that would be better placed in the African wilderness. The headline reads: MAIMED BY THE DEVIL CAT THAT INVADED OUR HOUSE.

I read on expecting to read about an escaped lion or tiger from a nearby safari park, of which I'm sure there are none, a ferocious killer that was wandering through our quiet Kent countryside looking for babies, dogs and like-sized creatures, which it could take back to its secret lair and devour at its own leisure. Now let's just take a slight step back and look up 'maim' in the dictionary.

'maim' /meim

verb;

past tense: maimed; past participle:maimed

to wound or injure (a person or animal) so that part of the body is permanently damaged

"100,000 soldiers were killed or maimed"

Right, thats clear then. This lion/tiger has maimed a man called Mr Gough after terrorising him and his current beloved in their home for - wait for it - THREE DAYS. I cast my young eyes over the page and see the offending animal at its worst - its a cat. A pussy cat and its poised to strike at any living thing. No actually, its sat on the window sill. Mr Gough, you would imagine, is covered in cuts and bruise with an arm hanging off and his trousers ripped to shreds and his bum bared to the world. No. no he isn't. Not wanting to cast any ill-doing on Mr Gough but he has a plaster on, I freely admit to it being a big plaster in being at least 15cm long (or about 6 inches in old money) but its a plaster.

Mrs Gough is none less pleased with the ferocious feline and has complained that the cat 'defecated and urinated' (crapped and pee'd in old money) and the rooms now stinks. Mrs Gough called the RSPCA to remove the terrorising tabby but they refused to help, leaving Mrs Gough "very surprised and a little angry". How quaint.

Luckily for the Gough household, they had a friend who is an expert in putting out the cat each night and Mr Fox, their ever-obliging neighbour and a retired fire-fighter and motor cyclist, suitably attired in full motor bike leathers and a helmet (PMSL!!) caught the poor puss in a blanket. Great story, slightly exagerated in the MAIMED sense but at least it caught the readers eye and that my friend is what they're paid for.

Another short story we read was about most people cannot bare being left alone for more than a few minutes without getting twitchy - a study revealed. Who pays for these studies? Me and grandad can do a study on something with the soul intention of writing garbage and paying off the mortgage in one fell swoop. Listen to this "Some people (the survey says!!!) would even prefer to give themselves electric shocks than be deprived of any form of stimulation". Now call me old-fashioned but I can't remember the last time I sat there twiddling my thumbs and then thinking "Oh how bored I am, I think I'll go lick my fingers and thrust them into that electric socket". The survey continues "....in one test 12 men and 6 women chose an electric shock to break the spell of inactivity". I must admit I can see the point if its someone else that you can introduce to a good 240v handshake but to yourself, I think not.

TAXI, TAXI. Taxi for Andy Murray please. Wimbledon to Caledonia, it make it snappy. It seems that Andy had continued the recent trend of leaving sports tournaments before the business end starts but with a handsome paycheck and a fit looking bird, who can blame him for taking time off work for a long weekend in Torremolinas to get away for it all. Talking of fit - Eugenie Bouchard. Thats all I'm saying about that.

Not the usual DoggBlog but as I'm not on full-dayers, we decided that our view of recents events may be of use and entertainment.

Catch yer laters...............

Dogg